Horoscopes

Brought to you by my last, always nervous,, brain cell

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Horoscopes

Carol López, Astrologist

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SCORPIO
Oct 23-Nov 21
Why are you yelling?

SAGITTARIUS
Nov 22-Dec 21
33.33% of the Jonas Brothers have diabetes and 100% of you has potential. Despite what you
believe you can’t argue with facts.

CAPRICORN
Dec 22-Jan 19
Over the horizon now rises a faint sun. Hidden behind chilling fog and cold autumn air, it rises
giving warmth nonetheless. Be that sun. Also, listen to your mom and stop clenching your jaw
all the time. We noticed!

AQUARIUS
Jan 20-Feb 18
Oh Aquarius, what a funny sign. I mean, a fish? Fish are pretty funny. But you know what kind
of fish suck? Selfish. Think of what you can do for others this month!

PISCES
Feb 19-March 20
The Blue Harvest moon rises now, and with it come infinite possibilities. Stop second guessing
because if its meant to be, it will be. And if it’s not, it won’t. And if you shan’t then you shalln’t and wouldn’t and can’t and willn’t. Mhm. So do. Or don’t. But go now!

ARIES
March 21-April 19
From up above and down below, good fortune comes to say “hello!”

TAURUS
April 20-May 20
Let go of the things you feel are holding you back. An ex, a bad friend, a grade, a 75 pound ball
of lead. Just let it go, man.

GEMINI
May 21-June 20
Storm clouds may gather, and stars may align, but them quarter grades lookin rough, girly. Get.
It. Together.

CANCER
June 21-July 22
Let’s set some goals this month, let’s make them happen. Let’s get this bread (im so sorry).

LEO
July 23-Aug 22
Stop procrastinating! How many times are we gonna have to teach you this lesson, old man?!
You don’t know because you’ve never tried, and the repercussions come now! Good luck.

VIRGO
Aug 23-Sept 22
Like a mirror, you reflect what you see, and I am afraid you are becoming a person you are not.
Hold on to that which makes you an individual. It’s priceless.

LIBRA
Sept 23-Oct 22
Really dedicate yourself. From the rain soaked ground and fallen leaves you will rise as a new
person! Hopefully a better one. Let’s get this coin, hunny!

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