Freshmen’s (and others’) Guide To High School:

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Coming back to school, especially high school, can be a shock to the system. We were all freshman once, and we know how hard it is. But sometimes, y’all get on our nerves. As freshman, it seems like the upperclassmen are so mean to you for no reason, but as you get older, you’ll understand our animosity. So here’s a list of things to do to get on our good side. However, upperclassmen are not exempt from the list. No one is safe from our wrath.

  1. Make sure you stand right in front of the stairs. Really make sure you show everyone how popular you are by stopping in the middle of the hall to talk to as many people as possible while walking to class.
  2. When talking to your peers, make sure you laugh and talk as loud as you can just to let people know you’re interesting and not like the other freshmen (make sure you do this in class too; teachers love it).
  3. With Homecoming right around the corner, romance is in the air (or is that just body odor?). Literally the only possible way to show someone you care about them is to do the most elaborate and obnoxious proposal! And we’re talking at least 15 friends, 40 balloons, and a handwritten sign with a pun we all know is a stretch.
  4. Speaking of body odor, that reminds me: deodorant is OPTIONAL! Really show everyone how sporty you are by showing up to class stinking like a pig (to really get the look, avoid showering for at least a week).
  5. To avoid the back to school cold, NEVER wash your hands in order to boost your immunity! Help others boost theirs too by not covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze. Take it a step further and just cough in people’s faces while they’re walking to class.
  6. Homecoming Dance! This is ideal the place to show off your dance moves—and by dance moves, we mean releasing your sexual frustrations with the other 40 people heating things up with some good old grinding.
  7. For all you high school drivers out there: make sure you drive your loudest, biggest truck to school and drive 40 mph in the parking lot. You know what they say about guys with big trucks…
  8. Make sure to leave food and wrappers EVERYWHERE. Nothing is more exciting than a rat infestation!
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