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Horoscopes

Your Local Spirit Guide

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SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 21
The ghost was drunk off boos!
CAPRICORN Dec 22-Jan 19
The French man’s GPS never worked properly. It drove him in Seine!
AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
“I say I’m pulling out my hair and they think I’m talking magic!” the stressed magician yells.
PISCES Feb 19-March 20
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
ARIES March 21-April 19
The frazzled man at the Thai Restaurant struggled to choose from the large selection of entrees. He took a wok to clear his mind.
TAURUS April 20-May 20
The electrical engineer came home to find his capacitor had been stolen. “MY PRECIOUS JOULES!”
GEMINI May 21-June 20
To really pick yourself up in the morning take a whole bowl! Get high on Life™!
CANCER June 21-July 22
Devouring box after box, he was a true cereal killer.
LEO July 23-Aug 22
How did the pilot like his bagel? Plain.
VIRGO Aug 23-Sept 22
The homeless man begged for change but all he ever got was coins…
LIBRA Sept 23-Oct 22
I hate going to the jewelers, it’s always so cold in there…
SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Frustrated, I did my homework like a medieval torturer, ripping pages.

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