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Food for The Common Dude: A Recipe for Friendship 


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Ingredients:

  • 2 bitter friends*
  • A dash of spice
  • A pinch of salt
  • 4 quarts of tears
  • Understanding (finely diced)
  • Forgiveness (thinly sliced)
  • 1 hug – divided in half

 

*Note from the chef: This recipe works best when the friends have recently finished an argument.

The fresher the better. They might try to push you away and avoid the new friendship, but don’t worry, they will get over it.

 

Directions:

  1. In a large pot, add the two bitter friends and a pinch of salt. Be sure that the friends are unhappy and resentful before combining. Bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to medium low, cover the pot, and let the friends simmer in their saltiness.
  2. After two hours have passed, gently stir the simmering mixture. Add 2 quarts of tears (reserve the other half for later) and a dash of spice to the mixture for excitement. At this point, the friends might begin to reconcile. If this happens, add the remaining two quarts of tears to ensure the most emotional final dish. The mixture may return to a boil again, but this is natural, as the tears may cause the friends to become resentful again.
  3. Allow the mixture to reach a gentle simmer, and stir constantly until the tears reduce to a sweet, but slightly sour sauce.
  4. Once the tear mixture has reduced fully, add the forgiveness and understanding to the pot. Stir to coat completely in the sweet sauce. Allow the friends to fully soak up the forgiveness and understanding. You will know that the friends are ready when the sour taste has left the liquid entirely. The mixture should be friendly and sweet before moving on to the next step.
  5. Turn off the heat and allow the friends to cool down. There might be a few bubbles as leftover anger is released from the friends, but this is normal. Don’t rush the agreement that has formed. This could cause the friends to revert to their original state, and you will need to start the recipe over if this occurs.
  6. Finally, add the two hugs to the friends and watch the friendship blossom.
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The student news site of Analy High School
Food for The Common Dude: A Recipe for Friendship